The first post on the "HOME" page, I share the presentation from her memorial a year ago. I have finally found the courage to go through her papers. I am finding as I go through her life's collections, which I will share. I was unable to receive the memories of her from her friends at the time of her death. I would very much love them now. I would love to offer you the opportunity to share them with her loving community and I. Please send them to jhefrein@gmail.com and I will post them here. Additionally, I will be publishing a small book of the collected drawing I created with the assistance of her and Jill during our many visits to doctors. I will announce its publication here. The funds generated will be contributed to my trip to Japan in the Spring of 2013 where I will be laying her ashes to rest. That trip, will also me documented here.
How the trip came to be…
During the last two weeks of my mom’s life she was in hospital and then hospice. I was doing a variety of things along with vetting her mail. Her 50th college reunion directory came in the mail. I of course went to her page. Typically, each person had a picture and a brief commentary. My mom, of course, had no picture, self-conscious of her startling beauty no doubt.
Here is what she wrote:
“My head has been in my bellybutton for the past year. I was diagnosed last summer with a fairly rare cancer and treatment has been pretty much a “let’s see if this will work” process. My life has certainly not been what my mother envisioned for me in terms of life patterns. I had to revision it all at one point and have been living from moment to moment ever since. My daughter is a glass artist in Philadelphia and comes to keep me company each time I go for chemo.
I can truthfully say I am content with my life. Sure, I would change a couple of things, but all in all it’s been okay. I still want to go to Japan before I die, so I guess I haven’t given up yet! I’ve become involved with local politics as town councilwoman in my little town of less than 4,000. For my soul, I’ve joined a local choral society that has (wonder of wonders) a fabulous musical director. So, think of me surrounded by three cats and one dog in central Delaware – happy.”
I had never known before this time that my mother had a desire to visit Japan. I asked her about it in the hospital. She told me she had always wanted to go in early spring, starting in the south and following spring up to the north. As an adult, my mom and I had never taken a trip. This will be our trip. I am torn as to whether I will scatter her ashes at various points of note or if I will deposit them in a Buddist Temple to be prayer over till the end of time. Buddist belief apparently is that the ashes should stay whole, so as to be available for reincarnation. I am not sure if I prescribe to this or not. But it will be something I consider.
This past year has been typical for anyone who has experienced grief over the loss of a loved one. I feel as if I am coming round to the other end of the cycle. My memories are now more of her life than her death. And when I think of her “my eyes still leak” (as she would say), but with a smile on my face because I know how much she loved and was proud of me. I’m sure many of you feel the same. What better legacy could one small woman leave behind than a full heart.
"Remember me as loving you" LvR 11.25.39 ~ 3.23.11
Maverick the Brave!
You may not have caught a glimpse of her
unless you were willing to peep under the bed.
